Dan Vs The Family Reunion
by LionTamersPride39
Summary: This story is the premise of events yet to come. A preface awaiting the next part.
1. Chapter 1

_**DAN VS. THE FAMILY REUNION (Premise)**_

The date is March 9th, 2014. Its been a year since the walk down memory lane of both Dan and his right hand man Chris. In between the path of remebrance on March the 9th, 2013 many events have happened.

First off we have Elise. Who has become a frustraded work horse of a secret agent. Her integrity as "Dancing Shadow" seems to be losing steam. She hasn't been the same. An agent who was once known as the best there is has met her match. A case poor old Elise cannot solve. She is in search of the most wanted man the world (and quite possibly the universe). His name is unknown to even her agency. This man is a criminal mastermind has outsmarted the FBI, CIA, Interpol as well as the International Girl Scouts. He only goes by the code name "Canadian Destroyer".

Due to Elise's failures at catching the Canadian Destroyer she has become vexed as well as resentful. So much so that she hardly pays any attention to her husband Chris or anyone that would substain her normal life. She pretty much spends her time working on new gadgets in her shed as well as watch chick flicks as she wonders what happened with her life.

Next up we have Chris. At this point he has inherited the bacon factory from his grandparents. Chris could simply sell it and make a truck load of money that would set him for life. But Chris likes to be the responsible one even if he fails at being the word of reason. Chris' new bacon joint opened up next to Burgerphile almost running it out of business. Chris didn't want to do that because as much as he loves bacon, burgers at Burgerphile are also on his daily diet. Chris even goes as far as asking the Burgerphile head cheese Jeremiah Burger if he would like to join forces. Unfortunately Jeremiah Burger is too much of a proud man to in his words "Stoop that low" to a air headed bacon junkie like Chris.

Finally we have the man of the hour (or year) Dan himself. Within the course of a year Dan has gotten himself into a laundry list of trouble (no surprise) and has gotten his fair share of justice. Until of course he was found in the white house attempting to kidnapp the president just so that he'll outlaw all forms of chaos and disharmony. The secret service took dan as a terrorist threat that he was sent to a holding cell in New Mexico filled with other delinquents awaiting to be executed.

Which brings us to today:

It is now March 10th, 2014. Dan's family are alive and kicking. They all contact Chris as well as Elise herself knowing full well that they both are Dan's only friends (more or less). Dan's parents want desperately to bring their young son Daniel to the family reunion. Specially that Dan has never made the effort to see them. The reason for this is that Dan wants nothing to do with his parents, grandparents, brother or his young sister. In Dan's eyes his only family is his feline companion Mr. Mumbles

You see, Dan's demeanor stems from a horrible childhood. His mother who loves him dearly is an immortal witch. His young sister is a spoiled brat who has learned the ways of voodoo. She even has a doll that she constantly carries around that has the same likeness of her older brother Dan. She hates Dan so much that she fixed the doll to hurt Dan using black magic. Luckily the aformentioned loving mother is aware of this thus she reversed the process.

It doesn't end there. Dan's grandmother is a booty hunting pirate of an old hag that she can play bingo on friday nights using cross bones. His grandfather is a time traveling neanderthal who can only communicate through jibberish styled dialects. Dan's brother is a tough as nails bounty hunter that never sleeps. Elise managed to catch him once but he escapes by sacrificing his right arm in an explosion to free himself from restrained custody. Dan's brother who we will call "Ugly" stands at seven feet tall and sports an eyepatch, which may be a tribute to his grandmother the pirate. Today Dan's father replaced his brother's arm with a state of the art bionic weapon. So high tech that NASA can't come up with this.

Last but not least Dan's father. Very little is known about him. Just bullet points really. Only Dan could describe him. Dan knows him as a Canadian native, has a fondness for bacon, has an underground vault as big as a warehouse the size of stadium, in said vault he has such things as gold, nuclear warheads, semiautomatic guns, turrets, tanks and foreign lazers. By now you would put two and two together to figure out that Dan's father is none other than the big boss Canadian Destroyer!

As seen in a past episode. Dan's parents (within choice of his father) drop him off at summer camp. The main idea being that his dad wants Dan to "man up" so that one day Dan would take over the family business as the new criminal mastermind that can have entire country bow at his feet in fear. It was because of this that Dan wanted nothing more than to seperate from his family ties. Why would he want to have connections to a sadistic set of characters that share his blood line? But an even bigger question would be "Why would they all of a sudden want to invite Dan to the family reunion after all these years?"


	2. Chapter 2

_**DAN VS. THE FAMILY REUNION: The Nightmares of Maryland**_

It has been 48 hours since Dan's Family has contacted Chris. Both Dan's father the Canadian Destroyer as well as his mother the immortal witch want desperately to bring Dan to the family reunion so deeply that Dan's mother has threatened Chris into casting a spell on him where he cannot eat his favorable foods causing him to starve to death.

This obviously meant that Chris now has no choice but to comply. Chris even asks his wife Elise to help in an attempt to break Dan out of a holding cell in New Mexico. Since Elise heard of Chris' ultimatum if he doesn't succeed in bringing Dan back to his family. Elise takes it upon herself to break Dan out. She obviously gets the job done withing the mind set of her secret life as "Dancing Shadow".

Elise: "Let's go Dan, I have 2 days to get you out of here but I must do it in 2 minutes. Specially since I have to get back home in time to make Chris a veggie burger."

Dan: "Well saying he's put on a few pounds is being extremely nice. He could explode like a pin on a blimp!"

Elise: "I said let's GO!"

Dan: "Unhand me Elise, I honestly never saw what Chris saw in you!"

Elise: "Seriously Dan, I have to take you to see your whole family"

All of a sudden Dan remembered what time of the year it was. March has always clocked the family get together party. It puts a whole new idea to the term "MARCH MADNESS" Dan screams at the top of his lungs that the facility almost cracks into dust... _ **"FAMILYYYYYY REUNIOOOOON!"**_

Dan somewhat calmy asked Elise to buy him as bran new notepad.

Elise: "Why on Earth would I buy you a notepad, exactly what do you need it for? We're on the clock Dan so no time for shopping"

Dan: "I need it to write the names of everyone in my family. starting with my dad"

Elise: "Why did you forget their names?"

Dan: "Even I don't know my father's name. He goes by the name Canadian deflater or something"

Then Elise's eyes went wide open (even wider than normal). There's a 99.9 percent chance that Dan may be refering to the "Canadian Destroyer" the most diabolical mastemind on the planet. The same one who finds cultural genocide a fina nd games contest. Elise wouldn't put it behind specially after knowing Dan all these years. So she used Dan to get her close to "CD" then just maybe Dancing Shadow might succeed in catching the most wanted man in the universe.

Elise asks Chris to go to the Dan Family estate in Maryland. At first Chris refuses to do so until he gets persuaded with a years supply of chocolate bars. The idea is for Chris to go on a quick scouting mission that will help Elise in her investigation.

Chris: "Please Elise, not Maryland...anywhere but Maryland. I'D RATHER STARVE TO DEATH!"

Elise: "Aww poofy woofy shnookums, do it for me. I love you with all my heart"

Chris: "Well, I can't say no to that face. Fine I'll do it"

Dan: "Are you insane, no way is Chris going to my parent's house!"

Elise: "Trust me Dan its for the good of national security"

Dan: "Say what?"

Elise: "Umm, nothing"

Dan: "Listen to me Chris if you go there, don't expect to come back alive. And I need your mone...uh I mean friendship"

Chris: "In that case Dan you're coming with me. Its always good to see the relatives"

Dan: * _shaking his head_ * "Chris Chris Chris, when you've met my family you'll think the Manson family are the most normal cup of tea group of people ever"

In the end all three of them decided to head to Maryland to meet Dan's rents. Even if they all had different agendas. Elise was going to catch none other than Dan's father the notorious Caadian Destroyer. Dan was going to obliterate his psycho relatives to end all strings attached to his his kinship for all. Whereas Chris just wanted to get this over with so he can get back home for bacon burgers. In Chris' mind he sure hopes this family reunion contains large amounts of good hearty grub.

It has been only a five hour travel from California to Maryland. Once the gang arrive at the Estate Dan knocks on the gigantic double doors which open like a haunted house. They are all welcomed by Dan's little sister the spoiled brat. When Dan left his family his little sister wasn't born yet so she has no memory of Dan face to face. Which wuld explain why her voodoo doll is in Dan's likeness. Elise looks at her and smiles thinking she's the most adorable girl ever. Increasing her thoughts on having a baby of her own (an idea Chris has been against).

Brat: *Looks at Chris* "Would you want to play with me?"

Chris: "Uh, sure thing"

Elise: "We'll do that later, first off can you tell us where your father is?"

Brat: "I shuldn't talk to strangers, except for my brother DAN!"

The spoiled brat of a sister then stares down at Dan after meeting him for the first time as if it was a Mexican stand-off. Next thing you know she pulls Chris from the arm hopefully to show her Dolly room and nothing more.

All of a sudden Dan's parents show up at the door and welcome him and Elise inside. Elise is amazed to find that the home interior is as normal and clean as Buckingham Palace. It was not just amazing but startling as well as this is completely in contrast to how Dan lives. His pigsty of an apartment is like the city dump. As of right now the only thing Dan had in common with his father was that his dad wore a black t-shirt similar to Dan except it read "BASTARD" rather than "JERK".

Dan's reaction to meeting his parents for the first time in well over 20 years is met with mumbles and rejections.

Mom: "How's my first born baby Daniel. Is everything alright?"

Dan: "Aww, for pete's sake woman, I go by DAN now, I'm not a little kid anymore"

Mom: "Well, well...looks like we got ourselves a big man on campus here. Alrighty then Daniel I'll set up your room with all your toys still intact."

Dan: "C'mon WOMAN! Get it through your thick skull. I'm not staying, I'm slaving myself for the betterment of humanity or so Elise says."

Mom: "Daniel please, what's this woman business. Call me mommy dearest"

Dan: "Ahh, go cook up an evil spell. Its what you're good for"

*Dan's father enters the picture*

Dad: "At long last the prodical son has returned. Get closer so I may take a better look at you as you shall be my successor to our empire-eh"

Dan: "I will do no such thing ya bacon bit MANIAC!"

Dad: "Aww what's with the kerfuffle there young child of mine"

Elise: "I'll just mingle with your relatives Dan...or should I say Daniel hahaha"

Dan's mother while wearing a tip high witches hat takes Elise to the back to meet the rest of Dan's kin. First was Dan's grandfather who is as ancient as the soil she walks on. The witch mother wanted Elsie to be careful when talking to him as he usually mumbles his words. Then again he is a time-traveling caveman. Elise approaches with ease and grandpappy says hello. "hrmmph mmbrrr ruuu" No one understands him but Grandma smiles and says that its the way that he proposed marriage.

Elise tries to decifer what he wants to say. But all she can hear is a set of jibberish that only grandma pirate can hear as well as the cursing parrot on her shoulder. If anyone could help Elise it would be Dan's brother the bounty hunter with the bionic arm who happens to be standing right behind Elise like a dark cloud of hatred. He could already smell the scum of a secret agent from a mile away. He knew the truth about Dancing Shadow. 


	3. Chapter 3

_**DAN VS. THE FAMILY REUNION: Catching up on Time**_

Elise is scared for her life in ways that would see a weak soul being startled by a ghost. It just so happened that Dancing Shadow was unaware that Ugly the bounty hunter was alive and still at large. As Elise has no choice as her instincts tell her to strike a final blow to Dan's brother right here in the open of a party...she is stopped as a door to the side of the mansion backyard opens.

Oddly enough, it was Dan's sister the spoiled brat holding Chris' hand as she presents him to the family. Chris' appearance changed as he is now sporting a ballerina skirt, wearing powdered make up, lipstick, eye shadow and his hair is heat curled. For the first time in a long time Elise begins to giggle but can no longer resist bursting out laughing like a maniac! All things considered, it pleased Chris to see his loving wife smile for a change. It was as if for a good five minutes Dancing Shadow had forgotten her mission (which was rare).

Next thing you know Dan comes out with both his parents. Or as Elise would notice them as witch and the assumed Canadian Destroyer. Dan's father presents Dan with a new gizmo that he invented in his laboratory with the help of time traveling neanderthal grandpappy. Elise suspects that it is a time bomb. So imagine what a guy like Dan can do with such a device. Dan's father begins to explain to young Daniel that this product is the reason he brought him to this gathering of epic proportions. The Canadian Destroyer along side his immortal sorceres of a wife invented a time capsule that can take Dan wherever he wants to go. It was here that Dan finally discovered a way to rid himself of everyone he sees as unworthy to live in this world as they bring Injustice.

Dan's Plan was to go back in time and warn his younger self of the DANGERS the planet has to offer. Such as stupidity, telemarketers, reality television as well as magicians. And why stop there, he can take this time machine thing-a-majig as far back a ridding the world from George Washington. Dan concocted a plan to help his past which would result in the security his future. Little did he know that Elise was planning to go with him. With this new device she can put together the puzzle that finally catches the Canadian Destroyer. Elise must destroy Dan's father not just to help the world but to make sure Dan himself is never born. Sure it sounds selfish of Elise and completely out of character, but she never thought straight when it comes to young Daniel. Two beings Dan & Elise on a quest that can either make a family or eliminate it for good. Only one of them could be a success.

Dan's father and mother give young Daniel the device as Dan's brother the bounty hunter watches in anger as he feels completely betrayed by all of this. He's bounty hunted for a grand total of all his life. Dan's brother has killed a battalion of men as well as prime ministers all before he could walk. He probably got his strength from being breastfed by his witch of an immortal mother. Ugly the bounty hunter has tried for ages to please his father the supposed Canadian Destroyer so one day he will take over the family business and make it his own that no one is safe. Ugly is so jealous of Dan that he shoves him into the time machine with brute force. Elise does her best to jump in the capsule inside with Dan. Ugly punches the machine so hard that it activates sending Dan & Elise to he past. Dan's plan to stop George Washington would be put on hold for the time being (no pun intended). Dan's parents, the spoiled brat, grandpappy caveman, pirate granny as well as cross dressing Chris watch what just transpired before their eyes in what was supposed to be a fun family gathering. Turns out disaster is in the air. 


	4. Chapter 4

_**DAN VS. THE FAMILY REUNION: Danny Boy the Pipes are Calling**_

Dan and Elise emerge from the time machine and both feel disoriented. They both acknowledge that they are not in Kansas anymore or in their case the hell that is Maryland. They both had specific tasks and planned to follow through. Dan tells Elise, "Well, just my stinkin' luck. Its bad enough that I have to find my younger self but now I have to spend time with Chris' nagging wife!"...Elise responds, "I don't like being paired up with you either Dan. Its like being picked last in school for kickball. The popular kids always got chosen first. You are nowhere near popular except with law enforcement. Lets just try to cope with our situation and there may be hope to get back safe and sound"

One major problem was that Ugly punched the time machine so severely that the meter went as far back as 1949. Meaning Dan won't be born for another 26 years. Elise caught a break as her plan unbeknownst to Dan himself was coming together seeing as it was this year that Dan's father was born. Another piece to this puzzle came together as they seem to have landed in Dan's father's native Canada. The Canadian locals took notice of the time machine as the impact was on par with the Queen Charlotte Quake.

Dan and Elise meet a short but rich Canadian who was no taller than 3 foot 6 inches. He showed interest in buying the time machine but both Dan & Elise gave no dice to this miniature clown. He presented himself as the "Black Prince Ruby" a code name which differed from his actual one. Last thing Elise needed was another vigilante with what he thought was a superhero name. Code names always spell out trouble as she has caught the most notorious of psychos known to mankind. Something smelled fishy about Black Prince Ruby. But Dan saw him as legit probably due to the fact that BPR was loaded with tons of cash. Currency from anywhere on the planet.

The Black Prince Ruby introduced 2014 Dan & Elise to his wife Danise one of his two lovers and future mother of his soon to be born son. Danise comes up to Dan and tells him that she adored as it is well known to BPR's ancestry. His name "Its only 3 letters long and easy to remember". Danise tells Black Prince Ruby that the name Elise was also well known to the family lineage as her sister was given that name. All of a sudden BPR, Elise and Dan went back into the time machine and high tailed it all the way to 1975. The reason for this was that Elise was eager to finish her mission as "Dancing Shadow". Her code name was made legend in her agency but has become a laughing stock as of late. Failure was not an option for her.

Even as a machine on the verge of malfunction still works as assigned. The trio of polar opposites make it to 1975. Dan has to rush to the hospital to steal his 1975 counterpart as a kidnapping in order to give himself justice and stay away from the ones he rarely calls family. As Dan storms into the hospital with his signature ski mask Elise plants a bomb at the hospital. She knew there were innocent people there but she couldn't take any chances. After the plant job Elise and Black Prince Ruby converse for a bit.

Elise: "So who exactly are you?"  
BPR: "Oh i'm the richest guy that created his wealth on an organization that creates warriors. I can afford to build them using technology. But with keeping their skills in intelligence and combat, the remainder of their memories are erased. And to be honest I see true potential in you Elise"  
Elise: "Not sure if I should be flattered or insecure, I don't need your organization I can take care of myself"  
BPR: "Don't be so sure, I use humans and tern them in to soldiers of fortune. And all in the name of justice"  
Elise: "How is taking a person's memories a justifieable action"  
BPR: "Because there are those that the world needs to get rid of, even if it means those that work for you. So you make them...oh...using lay terms...'understand'-eh"

Elise could not believe her ears. She was talking to a man that thinks highly of himself based on fortune. She supposes that's why BPR wears a game show host style plaid suit and can still talk like he owns the ground he walks on. Before Elise could give BPR an honest piece of her mind, Dan can be seen running outside the honest hospital facility all while holding a baby. It just so happens to be a younger version of Dan when he was just a newborn infant. Older Dan must take him away from the clutches of his out of this world parents. Dan Sr. storms out of the hospital with his wife hand in hand. Only for the hospital to explode into flames like a fireworks spectacular! Dan Sr. sees his baby and thanks Dan jr. for keeping his baby safe as well as for the explosion. Pretty much saying how much the fire that 2014 Dan impressed Dan Sr. seeing as he himself is an arsonist himself. Dan jr. is then taken by BPR and then by Elise herself. It was like they were playing a game of hot potato. Elise had to destroy the child seeing Dan's parents had lived.

Black Prince Ruby takes the infant by force only for 2014 Dan to take the baby into the faulted time machine. Elise is bothered that she has yet to destroy her primary objective. So Elise, 2014 Dan, Black Prince Ruby as well as infant Danny all went to the time machine only to find out that the damaged machine will not work. That's when yet another time machine showed up traveling from the future to the past or in this case 1975.

That's when the new machine opens its doors only to show someone very close to Dan showed up. More than one person that is. They both come traveling from the year 2030. That's right, the two people that came forth was Dan's brother Ugly who was 55 years old now and the second person was Hortence in cyborg form to keep her solid good looks past her over the hill days. Its about to get real tough that the timeline might implode. 


	5. Chapter 5

_**DAN VS. THE FAMILY REUNION: Sibling Rivalry**_

So the 2030 version of Ugly built his own time and made it back to 1975. It was now Ugly explaining as to why he traveled back to Dan's exact moment of holding infant Dan. He says...  
Ugly: _"Its amazing to arrive here in 1975, the mission I have would be the testament to overtaken the family business!"_  
2014 Dan: _"What garbage are you talking about now Ugly?!_  
Ugly: _"Ah hahaha, I destroyed the entire family Danny boy! I am now the master and new Canadian Destroyer. All that is left is you to die an agonizing death. Then I will rule the empire of the CANADIAN DESTROYER!_  
2014 Dan: _"What?!"_  
Ugly: _"It was all dad's idea to create the perfect successor to his new and improved crime wave with upgrades and advancements."_  
2014 Dan: _"THATS'S IT! I have to end this once and for all so I can get away from you infernal people. Plus the sooner I can get back home and feed Mr. Mumbles."_

At this point Elise was even more convinced that Dan's father is the Canadian Destroyer her agency has been trying to catch for years. Elise had to annihilate Dan's family clan. She charges straight at Ugly only to be stopped by Ugly's slave wife robot Hortence who holds her with a strong grip. Elise tries all the ninja moves she knows but is unsuccessful. So it was time to whip out the detenator bombs. Desperate measures must be taken. BPR took one of Elise's bombs and sneak attacked robot Hortence by planting one explosive on the arm that's grabbing Elise. BOOM! Robot Hortence's arm came right off. Elise was free, but was still being attacked by the invincible cyborg. Elise was overpowered and robo-Hortence was on the verge of striking the final blow to a downed Dancing Shadow.

Miraculously Elise was saved by none other than the 1975 version of Dan's father. That's right the man who would subsequently become the original Canadian Destroyer just jammed a detenator explosive in Robot Hortence's mouth. Arson excited Dan Sr. It was incredible to know that the man Dancing Shadow was trying to obliterate just managed to save her life.

With future robot Hortence out of the picture the stage was set between 2014 Dan & his brother Ugly. Only one of them was going to be Dad's successor for all time. The difference between them was that Ugly made it his destiny to bring the crime wave to heights that go far beyond world war 7. Whereas 2014 Dan had absolutely no ambitions to take over the family business (nor was he even aware about his father's empire). All he wanted to do was get back home and never neglect his pet kitty ever again. 2014 Dan manages to push the 2030 version of brother Ugly who has assumed the name of The New Canadian Destroyer into his own time machine.

BPR gives Elise the last active bomb and she throws it in the new time machine along with the 2030 version of Ugly as well as 2014 Dan. The Robot Hortence catches the bomb with her metallic mouth and swallows the explosive causing her to sacrifice herself. 2030 Ugly watches in horror as Robo-Hortence waves good bye and blows up. 2030 Ugly blames Elise for her death and tries to make Elise suffer the same fate. The two of them fight in a battle of speed and strength. 2030 Ugly using his bionic arm and Elise using her signature katana sword.

2014 Dan could easily intervene and help Elise but just sits back and enjoys a good contest of warriors like it was a sport on television. Black prince Ruby grabs 2014 Dan and asks him to do something quick. Something to help them both as their lives are in Danger. 1975 Dan sr. (and eventually the future Canadian destroyer) Comes up with a plan of his own. Without 2030 Ugly looking as he was pre-occupied with Elise, Dan sr. knocks out 2014 Dan and asks BPR to hide him. So as Dan sr. remembers the likeness of his newborn son Danny jr. He constructs a new sentient being using part of his own DNA. A family member without a name. This was turning into Invasion of the Body Snatchers by the minute. This new being could only be known as "IMPOSTER DAN!" in 1975.

All that was done without Ugly's knowledge as he was in the fight of his life. No one was out of the woods yet. 2030 Ugly knew that when he was done with defeating Elise, his brother Daniel was next, and he won't be as merciful as before. Elise jumps up like an acrobat with sword at hand and incredibly manages to slice off Ugly's bionic arm. You'd think Ugly would scream in pain but just gives a mean look on his face (what else is new) and attacks Elise even stronger! It was then that Imposter Dan calls out 2030 Ugly before he could finish off Elise. He calls him a "One armed Canadian bacon sandwich!" This obviously angers 2030 Ugly but Imposter Dan continues his rain of horrible school yard insults some even too deep for 1975! 2030 Ugly turns his attention to blabber mouth Imposter Dan, little did he know that the man he had his eyes set on was not his brother 2014 Dan. Other than look, he was someone completely different.

Elise herself had no idea that it was Imposter Dan until she got a good look at his eye color. It obviously different from that of 2014 Dan. His was green gumballs whereas Imposter Dan had blue pills for eyes. But all 2030 Ugly could see was red like a bull who was ready to attack his target. And ready he truly was. It was a scary sight, but 1975 Dan sr. didn't pay it any mind as he was busy hiding the original Dan. 2030 Ugly rushes towards Imposter Dan and knocks him into oblivion with such force that it can register beyond the richter scale.

Elise watches all this and throws (or more likely heat pitches) Imposter Dan an explosive that directly lands in his mouth. Within seconds Imposter Dan grabs on to Ugly 2030 and makes out with him only for both of them to blow up like confetti pieces of body parts. Both 2030 Ugly & Imposter Dan were no more. Dan sr. and his wife the witch (who recently gave birth in 1975) are amazed to see such a sight of destruction. 1975 Dan sr. Jumped for joy like he just won the lottery! As aformentioned fire and all types of arson excites the Dan family clan (it runs in their bloodline).


End file.
